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A Ship in a Bottle
Hibu Websites • February 27, 2021
Growing up with an alcoholic isn't easy...
Growing up, I dealt with an alcoholic family member. As an angsty teen, I turned to poetry to try to make sense of it all. Here is one of those poems written when I was 17.
I am a grand sailing ship
Bedecked in splendor
With billowing sails
And tall masts.
I am full of rooms and compartments.
I have so many hidden places
That people on the outside cannot see.
But I know them.
And I hide them so they
Cannot tarnish the exterior
Of my grand sailing ship.
I am a little canoe
With no oars,
No paddles,
Lost on the sea.
I am small
And empty,
Battered by the waves
And eaten away
By worms.
I am a boat with no direction,
I am drifting and lost.
I am helpless.
People outside the bottle
See the grand sailing ship.
But underneath it’s majesty and beauty
Is the truth:
The weary little canoe,
Battered and beaten.
The meager boat who tries to
Put on airs and be magnificent
In a stormy sea
In turbulent waters
In the midst of violence.
The sea here in this bottle
Is not a sea of salt,
But of liquor.
And every shot
Chips away at the façade
Of the grand sailing ship.
Every ounce
Nourishes the worms
That eat away at the little canoe.
Every time
He tips back the bottle,
The grand sailing ship
Crashes.
And the little canoe
Grows smaller.
Soon,
All that people see
Is the bottle.
For the sea
Engulfed
The grand sailing ship.
The weary little canoe
Gave up its struggle
And sank.
Kathleen Brennan
1987
Growing up Catholic, I was taught to say prayers at bedtime while kneeling by my bedside. One of the prayers started with "Now I lay me down to sleep..." I loved the beginning, but the ending always made me feel scared. It ended with, "If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take" and as a child I didn't want to focus on dying. How was I supposed to sleep with that worry fresh in my mind? Wasn't there already enough to worry about? I spent countless hours lying in bed fretting about dying as a kid. Needless to say, I was a worrier! As I grew up, I drifted away from formal prayers, opting instead to just speak from my heart. When I had my daughter, I wanted to give her a spiritual foundation, so I brought all of the "old" prayers and traditions out and dusted them off to use with her as she grew up. Still that one prayer made me feel uneasy. Fast forward to 2020 as I strive to incorporate my Catholic upbringing with my mediumistic lifestyle. Can the two worlds coexist? I have found that they can. I've explored several religions, including Spiritualism, and I'm relieved to find that there is truth in all religions, while one religion may (or may not) hold all of the truths. I can use some of my Catholic prayers and traditions while also using Sanskrit mantras, mala beads, sage and crystals. I can create habits and routines that best suit my needs by borrowing from various traditions, while respecting all religions and beliefs. Of course, that one pesky prayer was still nagging at me. I decided to try to edit it or modify it so that it felt less scary, or less worrisome, for me. Here is the newly-written version, which includes the original version of the prayer and a quote from Mavis Pittilla. Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. If I should live another day, I pray, Lord, bless my work and play. Let me show peace, hope and love, To benefit those here and above. Let my life be in service to The spirit world and those of you Who cross my path or seek me out. The continuity of the soul ~ let there be no doubt In the minds of us all. God I pray that I Can prove that "Love, like life, can never die."
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